The REAL Reason Tight Ends Aren’t Making Impact

We have wondered with all the injuries to the skill positions, why isn’t the offense using the tight ends more often. I have a friend who knows a Graduate Assistant, who knows someone’s double third cousin once removed that saw something on Reddit that knows some insider info. Here is the conversation that Coach Bobo and Aaron Murray had about the passing game.

Practice Fields, a few days prior to Vanderbilt…

Mike Bobo: Aaron, come over here.

Aaron Murray: Sir?

MB: Getting any?

AM: Coach, I don’t feel comfortable discussing this with you. Especially with a big SEC opponent on the hori-

MB: Big SEC opponent? Boy, the only S-E anything you need worry about is S-E-X. Get it while the getting is good. Enjoy the college life my boy. Isn’t this why you came back another year, all the hot tail in Athens?

AM: Actually, coach I came back to help my team win a Southeastern Conference and BCS title.

Mike Bobo bursts out laughing.

MB: (In between laughing) You really think we are going to win? Man what a wimp. Wipe the sand out.  This is Georgia.  If you wanted to win anything, you got to go somewhere else.  The old man over there in the goofy hat, he just cares about saving souls and doing enough to keep his job. He doesn’t care if we really win anything around here.  Why do you think all of us coaches stick around?  Shit, Stafford never cared about that and look at him? 50 mil guaranteed. Tail and cash. That is what it’s about, son.

AM: Coach, I really think we need to focus on Vanderbilt. I have some ideas on ways to make the offense click better.

MB: Murray, it’s Vanderbilt. We just need to run the damn ball and run the clock out. No need to get too flashy. Big SEC opponent?   Good grief.  Maybe if you shaprened up your definition of a “big” game, you’d win more of them.

AM:  I mean, we have these tight ends that are really good.  Lynch has 10% of the team’s receptions and is the third leading receiver.  Let’s use him more, and flex out Rome some.  He is an athlete and provides mismatches to linebackers.

MB:  No.

AM:  Sir, if I may ask, why not?

MB:  You may not ask, Aaron.  But, I’ll tell you anyway.  I don’t want to see some damn Yankee from Massachusetts like Arthur Lynch be successful.

AM:  But Coach, I am from Tampa.  That practically makes me a Yankee.  Don’t you want me to be successful?

MB:  How much have you won?  Sure, you’ve broken a few records, but stick around long enough and we are all bound to do that.  I don’t think you want me to answer that any more.

AM:  What about Rome?  He is from South Georgia like you.  Can’t we make him successful?

MB:  I am from Thomasville.  He is from Valdosta.  There is some SOWEGA shit going on there, Murray.  Let’s just say it’s personal.  Matter of fact, I brought him in just so he wouldn’t be successful.  It is all about the long con.The answer is no.

AM:  So we aren’t going to use them?

MB:  No, what we will do is put them on the field, and even flex them out in the slot.  But under NO circumstance do I want you to throw to them. At all.  If you do, Hutson Mason will be in that game so fast you won’t know what happened.

AM:  So, you’re telling me that even though they are in the game, and even flexed out wide, I am not ever to try and pass it to them.

MB:  That is exactly what I am saying.

AM:  Why have them in the game?

MB:  To CYA, Aaron.   CYA.  That way, if anyone asks, we can say there were in the game, and you just didn’t check down to them.  Now, let’s just run the clock out against Vanderbilt and still have time to hit Printer’s Alley before Happy Hour.

This has to be accurate, isn’t it?  I mean, a source on the inside said it was.



9 Responses to “The REAL Reason Tight Ends Aren’t Making Impact”

  1. 1 Jeremy Rogers October 23, 2013 at 3:02 pm

    I can’t believe I just wasted my time reading this garbage! I hope you are just trying to make light of all troubles going on but don’t waste people time putting out BS like this!

  2. 3 C October 23, 2013 at 3:14 pm

    You are a pinhead

  3. 4 Kdawg October 23, 2013 at 3:14 pm

    That is hilarious!

  4. 5 ericdawg October 23, 2013 at 7:28 pm

    I have personally suspected this for a long time. And just to add to my paranoia, I always thought BOBO never liked AM to break any of his records. Sounds terrible but LOL.

  5. 6 PAlmettodawg October 23, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    You think crap like this helps recruiting. What a loser!

  6. 7 66DAWGnNC October 23, 2013 at 8:52 pm

    Well, CD, I fully understand the hyperbole and thought this was hilarious. For those who are offended or upset by this blog, maybe you should find something else to do with that two minutes you could have saved if you had not read it.

  7. 8 SaturdayDawg October 24, 2013 at 10:21 am

    Who cares about impact on recruiting. We recruit Sunday Dawgs each and every year. We even immortalize them on the video screen at each home game. What do we get in return? Not a one that wants to play on Saturday and win championships. Not a one that despite their multi-million dollar contracts has endowed any scholarships at Georgia. We are the farm team for the NFL. Who cares about an SEC Championship,

  8. 9 paul October 24, 2013 at 10:23 am

    For a minute there I thought I was reading Sports & Grits. Well, at least we can take some comfort in once again being able to blame Bobo. We sort of had to lay off of him for a while there. Everybody back in the pool!

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