Lewis Grizzard Wednesday: Women In Running Shoes

Women In Running Shoes Brought To Heel 
   
   
WASHINGTON – My ride was late, so as I waited on the sidewalk in downtown Washington I people-watched. 

I had seen the phenomenon I’m about to discuss in other large cities, but here in Washington there seemed to be even more instances of it. 

I’m speaking of the fact that when females in the workplace are out of their offices, many are now walking around in their otherwise attractive outfits in running shoes. 

I am told that women wear these shoes to lunch and to and from work, but once they are in their offices they put on regular shoes, ones with heels that are more suited to the rest of their clothing. 

I asked a female colleague about this once and she explained, “We do it for comfort. You just can’t imagine how doing a lot of walking in heels can absolutely kill your feet.” 

I can understand that. I’ve never personally done a lot of walking (or any walking for that matter) in a pair of heels, but I can imagine how one’s feet would feel afterward. 

Still, I’ve got to say this: 

Comfort or no comfort, wearing a pair of running shoes with a dress does to t he attractiveness of a woman what a large tattoo does to a man. 

It’s downright displeasing to the eye. In a word – ugly. 

And I hate to use the “T” word, but I feel compelled. 

It’s Tacky. 

At a gathering later in the evening, I asked a Washington woman, who had had the good sense not to show up at a cocktail party wearing a pair of Reeboks, why this practice seemed so prevalent in Washington. 

“I don’t think it has anything to do with politics,” she said. “Maybe Washington women just have to walk more than women in other cities. Why do you ask?” 

Diplomacy has never been my strong suit. I looked at her square in her eyes and said, “Because it’s tacky.” 

She threw a sausage ball at me and then huffed away in disgust. 

But that didn’t change my opinion. I don’t think I have any sort of foot fetish, but women in sexy shoes have always caught my eye. 

I recall the first time I saw Kathy Sue Loudermilk in a pair of high heels. It was at the annual Moreland Fourth of July barbecue. She was also wearing her tight pink sweater (the one they retired in the trophy case when she graduated from high school), a pair of short shorts and 8- inch spike heels. 

When the Baptist preacher, who was helping make the coleslaw, saw her, he said, “Lord, thy do make some lovely things.” 

I don’t think he was talking about the onions he was putting in the coleslaw. 

Said my boyhood friend and idol, Weyman C. Wannamaker Jr., a great American, when he saw Kathy Sue, “You put something besides them heels on that body and you done put retreads on a Rolls Royce.” 

And here I stand on a downtown sidewalk in our nation’s capital and eight out of 10 women I see look like they went to the Sears tire store to shop for shoes. 

The Lord does, indeed, make some lovely things, and I’m certain the almighty had no intention they walk around in what amounts to glorified, overpriced, rubber-soled clodhoppers. 

Your feet hurt, ladies? See Dr. Scholl. 

Tacky. Tacky. Tacky. 

I think I have made myself abundantly clear.